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Name: Dratin
Occupation: Fighter
Realm: Sulkin

Okay, I’ll just be out with it: Dratin has a small penis. I know, I didn’t want to go there, but it’s important to my tale. You see, Dratin is a compensator. I mean, look at all those massive, phallic horns sticking out of his armor! And why do you think he has such long hair? It’s to fool people into thinking he has a long…something else. And did you get a look at his sword? The poor idiot went into the armory and bought the biggest sword he could find - paying no attention to the fact that he accidentally bought the cardboard display model instead!!

Continue reading ‘MatchMaker: Love at First LARP 12′

Name: Ageran
Occupation: Studio Drummer
Realm: Inausk

Ageran, professional drummer known all throughout Inausk for his use of unconventionally-huge drumsticks (pictured above), has a hard time finding work. Problem is, he has two strikes against him:

1. He’s Middle-Eastern. What, you thought that super-anti-terrorism and xenophobia were only in America? Sheesh, Americans are so self-indulgent!

2. He looks like a tiger, and as we all know, tigers are the most badass of the big cats. People are scared he’s going to gut them the moment he starts to feel a little peckish.

And women-folk? Don’t even ask. He hasn’t been on a date since September 11th.

Continue reading ‘MatchMaker: Love at First LARP 09′

Name: Tinen
Occupation: Crowned Prince
Realm: Yeraban

Tinen, heir to the Yeraban throne, is one self-centered bastard. He feels that making a grand entrance is sooo important that he actually has two fire-breathers follow him around and breathe fire every time he enters a new room. Yes, you read right - every new room. That may sound ridiculous now, but imagine when he wants to go to the royal bathroom to take a royal dump, and he’s got fire-breathers all over him!

But this fire-breathing has caused a bit of discomfort for “poor” Tinen. It gets HOT standing under fire all the time. What he needs is someone to cool him off.

Continue reading ‘MatchMaker: Love at First LARP 07′

Name: Lunyson the Leaper
Occupation: Fighter, Bard
Realm: Workely

Oh, Fuck. Lunyson the Leaper, the best singer in all of Workely, spent years saving up all his gold for some new armor. Do you even realize how many goddamn slimes he had to kill in order to get enough gold to pay for it? I won’t even talk about the time he tried to find goldman and instead met up with a gang of wyverns.

So he goes to the local shop, buys his new armor, and takes it home to get suited up. He’ll show those wyverns. Yes sir. And then he looks down. Doh! There is a friggn’ four-foot gaping hole in his armor! How the hell is this going to save him at all?

What Lunyson needs is a short companion. Someone to…mind his gap.

Continue reading ‘MatchMaker: Love at First LARP 05′

Name: Torril
Occupation: Rogue Faun
Realm: Ryperaw

Two quick facts about Torril - he always carries two swords, and hallucinogenic mushrooms grow from his horns on a daily basis. I mean, they actually GROW from his horns, and sprout up every morning. He’s made quite the living selling these mushrooms to mages and hippies throughout Ryperaw. However, he’s grown weary of the company he keeps, and wants to get out of the drug business. Especially after watching the latest season of The Wire. He wants out. Unfortunately, there’s that whole “shrooms growing on my head” thing.

Continue reading ‘MatchMaker: Love at First LARP 04′

Name: Linykin
Occupation: Fighter, Thief
Realm: Shirdan

Specimen two has some issues with normalcy. His problem is that he’s probably the most normal-looking dude in Shirdan, and for that he gets teased constantly. He’s tried all sorts of things to appear “extreme” - he’s actually gone as far as drinking an energy drink and eating Doritos chips AT THE SAME TIME, in public! And as everyone knows, Doritos are the pinnacle of extreme foodstuffs.

He even recently grew out his hair in a desperate attempt to look “unkempt” but it just came off as a bit lazy.

At the local drinking hole on Friday nights he’s overlooked when standing next to the usual fare of goblins, orcs and white wizards. What he needs is a girl that is so out-there, so crazy-looking, that her extremeness will rub off onto him as well.

Continue reading ‘MatchMaker: Love at First LARP 02′

Let’s get this started on the right foot. You do know what larping is, right?

Straight from Wikipedia:
A live action role-playing game (LARP) is a form of role-playing game where the participants physically act out their characters’ actions. The first LARPs were run in the late 1970s, inspired by role-playing games and genre fiction. The activity gained international popularity during the 1980s.

Mayhaps you’ve seen the wildly popular “lightning bolt” video on YouTube? As Mark puts it, poetry in motion:

I have a fascination with larpers; I am pretty sure a few friends of mine from elementary school larp to this day. I’m also pretty sure that they aren’t getting any action anytime soon. And that’s a shame. So I’ve decided to make a new series, entitled “MatchMaker: Love at First LARP” in which I scour the internet for eligible bachelors and match them with larp-loving companions.

Continue reading ‘MatchMacker: Love at First LARP (Introduction)’