Archive for the 'Editorials' Category

19
Aug

Someone’s Going To Get A Side-Kick To The Grill

By Mark Hill 3 Comments
Categories: Editorials and Games
Tags: ,


I’ve barely scratched the surface of Okami for the Wii, but I can tell that I’ll like it. It’s very unique and artistic, and a nice breath of fresh air over the rest of the Wii’s anemic library.

It does, however, suffer from the one thing that I hate more than anything else in the entire world of Video Game-dom: a wise-cracking, smart alecky sidekick. Who really enjoys these types of characters? Who says, “The writing in the game is so hilarious! There is this little grasshopper-guy that keeps calling me ‘furball!’ Get it? Because I’m a wolf! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!” Nobody, that’s who.

It is not comic relief, it’s annoying. The game should have kept with its more serious tone, and had something less annoying guiding me though, like another god, or a narrator, or just some text at the bottom the screen. It’s things like this that keep games from reaching their true potential.

18
Aug

Time To Consume!

By Mark Hill 0 Comments
Categories: Editorials and Games
Tags: ,

Update: I just came back from LameStop, but I didn’t get either of these games. They were out of Mario Kart, and they didn’t have a used copy of Boom Blox. I did, however, pick up Okami, and the Nyko wireless numbchuck. About to fire them both up right now.


I just had an idea! Due to the fact that I don’t have school, work, or a functioning Xbox for at least the next three days, I’m going to go buy Mario Kart Wii, and maybe even Boom Blox, if I’m feeling saucy.

See you in a few hours!

17
Aug

In Response. Because Sometimes, Just A Comment Doesn’t Cut It

By Mark Hill 4 Comments
Categories: Editorials, Games and Reviews
Tags: ,


Before you read this, read this.

I agree with pretty much everything Tyler said in that post. The BFBC controls are to COD4 controls as a sloppy joe is to a precisely cut slice of sashimi, the Battlefield hit detection should be called, “hit-or-miss detection,” and visually, there is no comparison between the two games.

BUT! The thing that makes BFBC stand out to me is the depth of the online multiplayer. All the various vehicle types that make killing possible from the land, sea, and air, is something that COD4 is sorely lacking. That’s the main reason that, unless a couple friends want to team up, I’m pretty much over COD4. Although not nearly the game as part four is, COD3 had a much longer shelf-life for me, simply because things like patrolling the outskirts of Eder Dam in a .50 cal-ed up Jeep with a friend never got old.

Also, even though there isn’t quite the weapon or perk selection that’s found in COD4, there is enough customization to keep me happy and interested, and the size of the maps actually allow for a little strategery, instead of just runnin’ and gunnin.

My point is, side-by-side, the single player modes don’t even compare, COD4 is on a level that no other game has even come close to yet. But the multiplayer modes of both games offer both equally different, and awesome, experiences.

P.S. Sorry about using the same picture, Tyler, I just really like it.

17
Aug

Just In Case You Forgot

By Mark Hill 2 Comments
Categories: Editorials, Games and News
Tags:


To Two Too Human is coming out this week. Anyone plan on playing it? I totally would, eX-box came down with a severe case of the RROD.

17
Aug

Comparative Bit-erature: COD4 vs BFBC

By Tyler Miller 2 Comments
Categories: Editorials, Games and Reviews
Tags: ,

So, I just played COD4 for about two hours. Then I immediately went in and played BFBC for about an hour and a half. And I think I’m qualified enough now to say that I don’t like BFBC nearly as much as COD4. And when I say nearly, I mean, like, 1/10th as much.

Which confuses me because I was pretty amped on Bad Company for the all the eye-sexing destrucability. Having breakable environments is one of the things, along with recordable matches and completely customizable controls, that will take a game from good to excellent for me. Or so I thought. COD has none of those things, but it does a couple things with superbly well.

I don’t know if it’s all of the time I’ve spent with COD or what, but it flows so much better. I feel this comes from two things. First - tight, responsive controls. I can’t even think of another game that has caused such ingrained muscle memory. I can literally tell you, with words, the button combos and d-pad directions one would need to press in order to do anything they want. Granted, the same reaction would have come from playing more of BFBC, and this leads me to my second point.

Hit detection. A la Gears of War, who the fuck likes to empty CLIPS at guys and see them smoke you at arms length? Not me, monsignor. There is relatively no splash damage, and bullets seem to slide around enemies like they were made out of butter. Also, the player moves at a chunky and unresponsive clip, I feel like I might as well paint a bulls eye on my back.

Tragedy, dear readers. Because the explosions look so damn good and there really is no feeling like removing a house being used for cover with a 120mm tank round.

15
Aug

May The Schwartz Be With You

By Mark Hill 1 Comment
Categories: Editorials, Games, Movies, News and Television
Tags: , ,


Umm, so, did any of you guys know that there is a Spaceballs animated series airing right now? Neither did I. That’s because, as of press time, it only airs on a Canadian pay-TV channel, and has not yet been shown in the states. According to an IMDb commenter, though, G4tv currently holds the rights to it, and if the above picture is to be believed, will be here this fall.

But do we really want it to be? I mean, the movie was hilarious when it first came out, 21 years ago, but how well would it relate to our modern, highly evolved, advanced sense of comedy? I just don’t know.

I stumbled upon this nugget when I was checking out RE4’s voice actors on IMDb. It turns out that the same actor that played everyone’s favorite Spanish, homosexual ex-cop/Las Plagas scientist, Luis Sera, named Rino Romano, also voices Spaceball’s Lonestar. I wish I was watching it right now.

14
Aug

I Can’t Believe It’s Actually Over

By Mark Hill 0 Comments
Categories: Editorials and Games
Tags:


Hit ratio: 72%

Enemies Killed: 916

Number of Times Killed: 60

Clear Time: 27:22′50″

These are the final stats from my recently completed play-through of  Resident Evil 4. Yes, after literally years of trying to finish it which spans three different consoles, I finally did it tonight. It was a pretty epic ending, but mostly I just feel relieved, and a little exhausted.

I just played through a small part of the unlockable Ada mish, but it’s just more of the same. Plus, I never want to see that opening level village ever again.

The above picture is a screenshot I took myself of one of the last chainsaw zombos I came in contact with in the underground ruins. It took six direct sniper shots to the potato sack-headed dome to kill him! If I was a zombo, I’d want to be him.

14
Aug

Arts and Papercrafts

By Mark Hill 6 Comments
Categories: Editorials, Games and Internet
Tags: ,


I did it!

I saw this Tim from Braid papercraft on Joystiq, and something inside me said I had to do it. The only problems were that I didn’t have an X-acto knife, so some of the cuts aren’t perfect, and my lappy ran out of color ink, so Tim’s looking a little pale. Not too shabby for my first one, though.

The site cubecraft.com, has a bunch of other fun looking ones, such as Dr. Zoidberg, Master Chief, and the Weighted Companion Cube. Try one out, they’re pretty fun. Continue reading ‘Arts and Papercrafts’

14
Aug

Wii: The Other White Console

By Mark Hill 0 Comments
Categories: Editorials, Games and Internet
Tags: ,


Ok, so I lied a little. In light of my Xbox 360’s EPIC FAILURE!, I will be playing some Wii. Yesterday I went on a marathon Resident Evil 4 session, and I’ll probably finish the game tonight, As I type this, I’m downloading Strongbad’s Cool Game For Attractive people via Wiiwhere WiiWare

Even though I haven’t checked it out in a long time, I’ve always loved Homestar Runner. Plus, I like adventure games, so hopefully this will be a good fit. I’ll keep you informed.

13
Aug

Putting A Name To A Voice To A Face To A Name

By Mark Hill 0 Comments
Categories: Editorials, Games and Movies
Tags: , , ,

You may have damn well better have read that I just watched the Hitman movie. One thing I didn’t mention is that, even though I really like him as an actor, Timothy Olyphant just didn’t sit right with me as the chrome-domed killing machine. I felt 47 should have been a little older, a little more stoic. Maybe someone like this guy:

His name is David Bateson. Does the name sound familiar? No? Well, the voice should, because he is in fact the voice of Agent 47 in the games. I swear, when I imagined the face of the actor that should have played 47, I imagined this guy. Put a gun in his hand and a barcode on him melon, and you’ve got yourself a bred assassin.

This guy and David Hater are co-recipients of the “Guy That Does The Voice And Looks Just Like The Character And Should Play Him In The Movie” award. It’s a real award, I swear.

12
Aug

Guitar Zero

By Mark Hill 2 Comments
Categories: Editorials and Games
Tags:


Don’t have a Nintendo DS but still want to look like a complete jackass in public? Then pick up this portable dandy I scoped during my recent trip to chick magnet central GameStop.

This LCD version of Guitar Hero is “based on the MONSTER video game!” and has ten actually pretty good tracks, including Killer Queen, and Surrender. It’s played with your thumbs, the fake guitar neck is just there to make you look like an even bigger tool than you already do.

It’s $12.99, but if you’re really considering buying it, just send me 10 bucks, and I’ll come kick you in the nuts, or the vajeen, whichever you happen to have.

11
Aug

Giving In To The Madden Curse

By Mark Hill 2 Comments
Categories: Editorials and Games
Tags:


Yup, I’m doing it. I’m going to buy Madden 09. And I’m going to play it. And I’m going to dominate as completely as I did the last time I played Madden in 2005. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.

I’m going to commit, and practice, and learn, and adapt. Soon, the Arizona Cardinals will rise to the prominence that they deserve. Matt Leinart and I are going to be spending a lot of time together.

11
Aug

Silver Striking

By Mark Hill 2 Comments
Categories: Editorials and Games
Tags:


Not everything in life is video games. Some things are actual real life games, like darts. So, as per our usual Sunday night, my co-workers and I went to our local bar to drink a beer, eat a cheesesteak, and throw some spikes. Unfortunately, the place had to be full of, umm, what do you call those things? Ummmm….Oh yeah, girls, which greatly reduced our dart-throwing time. So, instead of sitting with them and talking about flowers, and feelings, and Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers, or whatever girls talk about, my friend and I went across the room to play some Silver Strike Bowling, bringing my video game lifestyle full-circle.

It’s a pretty fun game, more advanced than Wii bowling, and occupies the same stand-up cabinet as bar-fave Golden Tee. My night peaked early when I beat my friend and SSB veteran, by scoring a tenth-frame turkey to beat him by one pin (if you don’t know what that means, take your girlfriend on a date to the bowling alley in GTA4. If you don’t know what that means, you’re at the wrooooong site). It was epic, exciting, heart-wrenching, and vomit-inducing all at the same time.

I just got home intending to play some Braid, but my brain is functioning nowhere near where it needs to be to play that game. Maybe tomorrow.

10
Aug

26 Million? Christ.

By Mark Hill 7 Comments
Categories: Cheevers, Editorials and Games
Tags:


Even though I’m absolutely terrible at Geometry Wars 2, I can’t stop playing it. I was afraid that after I got all the achievements, well, the ones that are at all possible for me to get (Smile? Yeah, right), I wouldn’t want to play it anymore. But the fact that it shows your friends’ high scores along with yours is major motivation to keep killing those shiny shapes and collecting their sweet, sweet geoms. Nom nom nom.

Some of my friends, though (Raul), have the most riduculously high scores (see above), that it’s laughable for me to even attempt to beat him. Tyler, on the other hand, I think I can go toe to gay toe with Tyler.

10
Aug

You’ve Got A Friend In Arizona

By Tyler Miller 1 Comment
Categories: Editorials and Games
Tags:

The Atari 2600, arguably the purquisitor of the title “First Video Game Console”. Home sytem to such games as Battlezone, Defender and Communist Mutants from Space. So you can understand my amazement when one of these legendary machines arrived on my doorstep the other day.  Apparently, I’m told, my birthday is approaching (Sep 9 - I need an iPhone bluetooth headset) and a pal-o-mine decided to make some room in her closet of wonder in sending me her old dusty console. Could this be an indication of this being the best birthday ever? I think it might.

So here’s to you Andrea, you’ve made it extremely hard to top your gift for this birthday or any other.

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