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Since emulating copyrighted software is illegal, and I don’t do it, let’s pretend I just got a Sega Genesis Emulator.

In order to celebrate and usher in a new era for classic gaming editorials on this site, I’m going to review my favorite game for the console; Earthworm Jim.

Remember levels like New Junk City or Snot a Problem? Yeah, me too. Remember COW LAUNCHED!!! or how Jim would say “Guh-Roovy!”? As the only kid on the block with a Sega, this was my marquee title. No one else had it, and it drew a crowd. It didn’t have the stark realism of Streets of Rage, or the wholesomeness of Toe Jam & Earl, and I think that is why it most appealed to the average 10 year old boy.

Story

Ah yes, it was the age of Ren & Stimpy, when farting, eerily detailed cartoons would dance in cavalcade across our be-SNICKed screens every Saturday night. It seems like the more randomness that was thrown at the viewer the better, I know I ate it up. Who could forget this timeless tale of a down to earth (get it?) worm that becomes fused with space suite that falls down to earth (oh snap!) and fights enemies like Queen Slug-for-a-butt, Evil the Cat and Psy-Crow. He races rockets and launches cows in to the stratosphere, all in order to get back to Princess Whats-her-name.

Gameplay

This game did a lot of things right. First of all it gave you a long-range and a melee attack. Jim could either shoot his space gun or whip enemies with himself. The whip attack also worked as a grapple feature so you could cling to hooks or ledges and swing to safety, much like Shia LeBoeuf did in Indiana Jones 4. Another thing that came off as clever and fun was the use of little mini levels that divided the main platforming segments. There was a space race called Andy Asteroids?, and a bungie jump/battle to the death against a booger goblin.

Audio

The sounds from this game are funny and quirky, from the burp-like “Earth-worm-Jim” at the beginning to the classical “Night on Bald Mountain” music for the level What the Heck. The cool thing is that uses a lot of voice samples, at the time it was novel to hear clips of actual humans speaking in a game.

Graphics

Here’s where the game was at it’s best. It wasn’t the number of bits on the system so much as how they were used. The style of EWJ was what made the game stand out. Much like how Team Fortress 2 will have a longer shelf life than COD4, due to the stylized look, EWJ holds up over time for it’s cartoonish look.

So Yeah,

it’s great to go back and play one of my favorite games from the old days. Sadly, the game has slipped a few notches due to my being 14 years older and not thinking cows are as funny as I did back then.

RETROGRADE: C+